Believing in yourself is a choice

decision-makingMisunderstandings:

A. “The confidence is something that you are born with”

Believing in yourself is an attitude you develop over time, is not built-on. Confidence is a choice. The more creative you are, the more enjoyable it is to see the unlimited possibilities of your potential. 

B. “Is my parents fault “

Even though it helps having supportive parents, the fact is that most of us have parents or teachers who inadvertently passed on to us the same limiting beliefs and negative conditioning they grew up with.

But, the past is the past. There is no payoff for blaming them for our current  level of self-confidence.

C. “If I don’t have the talent, then I can’t achieve my goal”

It is in our responsibility to take charge of our own self-concept and beliefs. It is proved through lots of brain researches that positive self-talk, visualization combined with proper training, coaching and practice, that anything is possible.

Does it sound crazy?

Here is a statement of one of my coachees: “I wasn’t the most gifted or talented person in my field, but I chose to believe that anything was possible. I studied, worked harder than the others and that’s why I got to where I am.” The fixed mindset for confidence can stop us achieving what we’d like.

Sometimes believing that we are gifted in a field and completely useless in other fields can become a barrier, by the fact that everything is based on results and not on the effort or the journey in between.

If you assume that you can, act if it is possible then, you will do things that are necessary to bring about  the results you want.

D. “What other people say, it matters to me, as ‘they know better that I can’t’ “

“You have to believe in yourself when no one else does. That’s what makes you a winner.” Venus Williams – Olympic gold medalist and professional tennis champion

Truth: We don’t need others opinion about ourselves, they are busy thinking about themselves. The resources we need lie within us. When we really accept ourselves, with good traits and bad ones, we act with authority, we become powerful.

Confidence in your BELIEFS

The first question to ask yourself when you’re thinking about confidence is: do you have beliefs that support you and enable you to function confidently?

If someone says “I am a slow learner and will probably never sustain a loving relationship” they are revealing two different beliefs that are unlikely to help them function more confidently in any aspect of their lives.

Someone who believes that “I am the kind of person who can learn from both my mistakes and my successes” is telling us that they have a belief which will emphases their functioning. Yes, they will have mistakes, we all do. But they have the confidence that they can learn from them as from their achievements. People like this, believe in themselves. Period.

E. “Some affirmations and visualizations, will make it work”

But simply saying it, affirmations, visualizations, does not make it true. If you really want to know if a person really believes, pay attention to their behaviour. What they say is one thing; what they do may be quite another.

A belief about the way the world is can support you in your actions.

The beliefs can be formed at almost any stage of our lives. They are usually a result of our experiences, which we have tried to make sense of and have drawn conclusions about. But we can also take on the beliefs of significant others in our lives: parents, partners and the culture we live in. But the problem is that sometimes people act as if their beliefs are true. A belief is NOT A FACT.  The very function of a belief is to give us some sort of coherent structure to make sense of the world.

As well as helping us make sense of our experiences, beliefs can actually shape what happens to us next because they can become self-fulfilling prophecies. Whenever this happen, we might find ourselves “being right” about the result, even though we are unhappy. “I knew this would happen”.

Here is a challenge for you : Drop for a while the idea of being right and embrace the new possibilities that come with new empowering beliefs!

Challenge your beliefs and ask yourself effective questions to bring good results:

1. Is this really true? Do I have this belief just as a result of one of my experience?

2. In what way is supporting my progress this belief?

3. Verify the validity of the statements, such as:

– “I can’t…..”

– “I never….”

– “I always….”

– “I’m hopeless…”

– “I should…”

If you are interested in finding more about yourself, join the next “BOOST your confidence” workshop:

http://www.meetup.com/belfastcommunitycoachingsupport/events/128345612/

Good luck!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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