Manipulation or influence?


No matter what are we doing in life, we are always seeking for attention and likes from the people around us.

Being liked, is one of our greatest human needs.

It sounds harmless enough but that “psychological pull” can influence us in all kinds of ways.

Advertisers use it, the most common way being something called “social proof.”

You know the kind of thing: “Ten thousand satisfied customers can’t be wrong…”

They can actually.  Take cigarette smokers in the 1950s for example.  But who wants to go against popular opinion?

The problem for you (and me) begins when other people, (often with good intent), try to get us to like them by manipulation…

The common ways that people are trying to manipulate are:

1. They dump on your dreams

Something like, “Ooh.  I tried that and I got hurt.  I wouldn’t bother…”

The fact is, somebody will bother and they may succeed at whatever it is.

It may as well be you! Please have your own experience and don’t rely on someone’s life story. You have your own luck!

2. They throw “sticky buts” at you.

Do you remember those wild plants which produce a kind of bud with little hooks like Velcro?

We used to throw them at each other when we were kids and they’d cling to our clothes and hair.

We called them “sticky buts” where I grew up.

They were fun.  But what’s less fun is when people won’t let your reputation lie down.

Every time you say you’re going to make a new start, they throw a “sticky but” in…

“You?  A new job?  But you’ve never stayed more than six weeks anywhere…?”

They plant a seed of doubt. And the doubt is very painful. It ruins your motivation, your energy to get involved in the project and eventually, your success.

Just when you thought you’d changed… here’s someone who knows you well, telling you they don’t see it.  You’re just the same.  You’ll never make it.

Want to know what’s really going on?

Have you ever seen a person who’s quit smoking be offered a cigarette by a friend who’s still hooked?

They say, “Oh go on.  Just one won’t hurt.  You know you want one.  Be sociable.”

They’ll push every button to get the person smoking again.

Is it because they hate them?  No.

It’s because they’re still stuck in their particular rut and can’t imagine themselves getting out.  And because they don’t want to lose you, they try to get you back in. 

This is the temptation, that seductive siren from the Greek legends that can fool you with her beauty and drive to death.

Your job is to stay strong and believe in yourself! 

As soon as you do that, you become the inspiration and the chances are your friend will climb out of the rut and follow you.

3. They want you to change

There are an estimated seven billion unique individuals alive right now.  (I could have said “people” but I chose to write “unique individuals” because nobody is going to believe exactly the same as everyone else.)

In fact, the chances are no two people are going to boil an egg or make a cup of tea exactly the same way.

But wishing someone would change so that they’d feel better is ridiculous and impossible.

To ask that of somebody is merely a demonstration of how uncomfortable they feel with themselves.

Of course you will change; we all do.  But changing to suit somebody else will make you a person you don’t like.

And neither of you would want to live with a person you don’t like, would you?

The key is to love yourself!

Because the more you do that, the higher your vibration will be, the happier you’ll be, and the more others will try to change to be like you.  And then you’ll have a good life and you’ll inspire others.

Influence is long lasting and manipulation is a short term that will always come out.

To find out more or if you’d like to share with us your discoveries, join our workshop on Wednesday evening:

Eventbrite - Personal INFLUENCE - a master key to success

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